What do you do when church isn’t the reflection of heaven’s society it ought to be? What do you do when entering the church building is more likely to raise your blood pressure than offer rest and nourishment for your soul? When the people you love in the Lord begin to look like the enemy? What do you do when you are ready to wash your hands of your spiritual family and be done?

1. Don’t Run. Stay put. Like a good marriage a church family relies on your commitment, and my commitment, to stick with it. Unlike marriage that commitment may not be quite “until death do us part,” but it’s pretty close. If you believe Ephesians, than you are responsible to fill a vital, God-ordained role in Christ’s body, the church. When you abandon your local church you are quite literally, in a spiritual sense, ripping that body apart. Christ can repair that body, but “what God has joined let not man put asunder.” Respect the head of the body, the brain if you will, to know when it’s time for you to move on, and then wait patiently.
2. Love actively. Do something for someone in your church. Do something for everyone in your church. Even if you don’t want to. Even if you are certain that no force on earth could convince you to fellowship with them/her/him again. Pray for them. Pray sincerely. Don’t pray one of those “Dear Lord, please remove this pain” prayers. But pray fervently, genuinely seeking the good of your brother/sister in Christ before the throne of God. And then engage. Make them a meal, bake them bread, crochet them a blanket, and/or mow their yard. Do something! Satan loves it when we sit around and ponder from afar. Love your family like God loves your family. When they hated Him, He died for them. What have you sacrificed/done for those pests lately?
3. Grace, grace, grace. In an era when grace means a free pass or blindness to sin, I don’t mean either at all. I mean actual grace the kind that allows growth, encourages godly change, and cheers progress. It is so easy to assume that because we are brothers and sisters in Christ that our relationships should be natural and easy. Bologna! There is nothing more unnatural than putting a bunch of diverse sinners in a box and asking them to accomplish something productive for the Kingdom. The only reason we exist as a church at all is the manifold grace of God who saw us in our sin, sees us in our sin, and chooses to forgive and use us despite our sin (with the loving intention of ridding us of that sin through the slow and painful process of sanctification). As Christ wannabes our job is to reflect that grace to each other (forgiveness and restoration) and to receive that grace from others (yes, receiving grace takes grace, too). The church should be a great big hall of mirrors reflecting around to all the only true grace – the grace of God.
4. Work on your expectations. Read Corinthians. Most of us can feel pretty smug about our churches when reading Corinthians. Just kidding . . . sort of. Read Corinthians, yes, and realize that the Corinthians were a church. A church for which Paul “[gave]thanks always,” despite their divisions, rank carnality, and spiritual immaturity. Paul had to remind the Corinthians that the “foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.” Why? “So that no human being might boast in the presence of God.” So that if you feel like boasting your only option is to “boast in the Lord.” From the very, very beginning there has been trouble in the church. That isn’t likely to stop until glory. Get over it. If your focus is on the problems and on the human-being-sinners that create all the problems your expectations for the church will constantly be disappointed. You need something stable and sure to anchor your soul in the midst of your troubled (and it will always be troubled as long as it is composed of humans) church. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf. . .” (Hb. 6:19-20a) Manage your expectations by expecting only what God expects . . . not what you would like. When God assembled your church, He knew what he was getting. He hasn’t been surprised yet.
5. Don’t burn bridges. Love your church family enough to consider well before you act or speak what exactly the consequence of your action/words might be. These are the people we are stuck with for eternity. Eternity is a really long time. (And yes, I do realize we won’t be holding grudges in heaven.) I’m a firm believer in taking a little time away. Not forever, just a bit to remember and reflect so that you come back to your family renewed. I’ve said it before, and maybe it bears repeating (I know I need to hear it again.), your church is your family. What besides family can bring out of you such love and frustration? Sometimes a break is healthy. But you don’t walk away; you don’t stop communicating, loving, and guarding. Be angry and sin not. Be annoyed and sin not. Be hurt and sin not. Sin makes messes. Sin divides. Sin burns bridges. The most perfect Love in the world is unable to look at sin because He sees its true consequence. Assess sin as God does. Assess the church as God does. And you will be less likely to be willing to burn bridges in your church.

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philippians 2:1-8